27.02.10@01.26

Burning...It's just going to explode soon...
Hurting, deep inside...I hate it so much...
I bet that you, will even hate it so much and badly...
Who is she?
What is wrong?
I think...It's unreasonable...but...it is happening for sure...

You know what, it have never been easy...She couldn't get out of it...she never want this too, but this is the fact...

How long it will lasts, no one would know...She shouldn't be like this...I HATE IT SO MUCH, he hates it too ...

18.02.2010

I didn't sleep well last nite, I just couldn't sleep...I knew why, but I can not let you know that she is too worry, she just couldn't close my eyes...Once I closed the pair of these, she deeply thought of you and waited for something happened...

It was not all about what you were doing, but what you never did this before, that was what scary for me and her...I know she is acting too much now...I know that she said to you before about please lie to her and don't let her know, but in fact I know that she can never accept it...

I think she's grazy...silly and selfish and even much much more bad charaters and personality....I know that all were her bad, the worst of her bad cause things go wrong and have never been good...I know that is her bad...but, she would like to let someone there know too that please don't you ever say again that she is exactly the same with your friend before...It hurts her to the deepest...

Sometimes, she said she won't think much, don't worry about her, bla bla bla...That are all lie to her...She just tries hard to fix and turn things to be good for you and her...She is tired too sometimes...She thinks that it is more than enough too to her...but big no no...She love you...She thinks that all things go wrong because of her, because she never try, she never try to understand, she never try to listen, she just fail you and people around her...

I am sure her dreams to go somewhere far far away from those people is still fresh in her heart and mind...I know she would never forget that...Well, last but not least, she needs me to be with her, she needs Him and him...

Sometimes, I do pity her so much...But it seems hard to start the next move to comfort her...I don't know what is wrong with her...She's grazy enough to make other to feel that things are more than enough now...

16.02.2010

Since I getting older in my years and life, since I live in Him, I felt changes...Those worldly things are getting far from me; my dreams, my wishes and a bit of my spirit I guess which is not good for this part, but I think there is a reason behind (I can feel this most differently in every different circumstances)...



I am still me even since I live in Him, but I could feel changes, especially the comfort and love from Him over me through His people and things around me...Good and bad things are still happening in my life...Storm, wind and fog are still there...I even feel sometimes He is so far away from me...



I still need to learn to know more about Him...I want and I need my fear and doubt 100% go away from me...I am so lucky when I need to step to a higher level in my life, I have His people around me...Thank You God, You planned it well before everyone of us...



People around me may say I am Christian because of some reasons, some may say I am Christian because of the environment where I live and stay...It could be a support along this time, but I can guarantee them, I really want to live in Him because I find this is my way after I went through some events and when I went to others religion, I just feel strongly that this is my way...I hope I could know more about His truths and live in Him...My prayer just say that I want Him draw me close to Him, let only His wills be done in my life and for sure, please...give me strength! I know and others let me know too, journey in Him is never easy yet it is never hard...as long as I believe in Him, He is really keeping me with Him...

Sorry, I'm so sorry and please...Forgive me!!!

Dedicated specially for you


Sorry for making you mad with everything I said and I did
Sorry for making you mad with every little thoughts of mine
Sorry when I cried for you

I am sorry for making you feel tired of my self
I am so sorry for making you feel lost
I am so sorry for making you feel helpless and useless

Sorry too, for every little pain that I have crafted in your life
Sorry too for making you in sorrow and suffer...

I am just so sorry for making your days in blue,
for creating your life in grays...

I am just so sorry and please forgive me!!!

10.02.2010

I have been living here for almost 21 years...Well, when I traced back to years before, I never really ask my self, what life is actually...I never go deeper into those kind of life's questions as I never realize that life is not as easy as what I think...It is so complicated at certain stages of life, like what I am facing now...It seems that this is another toughest stage in my life...


Come into my 21st year of life, I realize that I have not been using my life for some good deeds and purposes... I know myself well as not the one who are so good in the sense of 'kind and good' character, what people think how a good and kind person should be, like helpful, friendly and what so ever...

Now, I am struggling to find back my own way in my life; what I wanna do for next, who I am, why I live and what I live for...

Not untill I am 21 years old, truly accepted and live in Him and read that book, seems I have been living for years without any purposes...I am totally lost...I can't recall back what I wanna do actually compared to years before; what I want to be, what kind of life I wanna have, who I wnat to be with...

Dreams and wishes seem apart and get away from me...Best of all, I just wish to life with my family in a simple and happy life...Greatest thing of my life will be only living with the one I love, have my own happy and simple family and do things that I love accordingly to His plan...

Be honest, somehow, I feel my self is grazy...I think too much for advance and let others around me 'bored'...even for some people, I will forever feel sorry...

I just hope I could end this soon...Decide what I wanna do soon peacefully...God, please hear my cry...No one I can turn to, even I have one and some from You...but I am too much, I don't deserve it...Lord, help me, I beg you please...I just wish I could set my self free in Your glory and grace over me...

She can't take it anymore...

I will never wish to see this...I will never want this as well...However, it's never simple and easy to understand how a girl like her behave in such a way...What does she want actually? Why does she behave, act and say things in a way that maybe she doesn't even understand...

She just told me she may not be able to and can't take it any longer...That's it...Will it gonna be the end??? She is dying now...Will death come to her???

I just wish My Father could help and save her when there is no one could help her anymore...I wish too her friend of life will be always with her forever, never let her go as what My Father will never let me go...