I have been living here for almost 21 years...Well, when I traced back to years before, I never really ask my self, what life is actually...I never go deeper into those kind of life's questions as I never realize that life is not as easy as what I think...It is so complicated at certain stages of life, like what I am facing now...It seems that this is another toughest stage in my life...
Come into my 21st year of life, I realize that I have not been using my life for some good deeds and purposes... I know myself well as not the one who are so good in the sense of 'kind and good' character, what people think how a good and kind person should be, like helpful, friendly and what so ever...
Now, I am struggling to find back my own way in my life; what I wanna do for next, who I am, why I live and what I live for...
Not untill I am 21 years old, truly accepted and live in Him and read that book, seems I have been living for years without any purposes...I am totally lost...I can't recall back what I wanna do actually compared to years before; what I want to be, what kind of life I wanna have, who I wnat to be with...
Dreams and wishes seem apart and get away from me...Best of all, I just wish to life with my family in a simple and happy life...Greatest thing of my life will be only living with the one I love, have my own happy and simple family and do things that I love accordingly to His plan...
Be honest, somehow, I feel my self is grazy...I think too much for advance and let others around me 'bored'...even for some people, I will forever feel sorry...
I just hope I could end this soon...Decide what I wanna do soon peacefully...God, please hear my cry...No one I can turn to, even I have one and some from You...but I am too much, I don't deserve it...Lord, help me, I beg you please...I just wish I could set my self free in Your glory and grace over me...
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